The Birthday

Another birthday, come and gone.  I'm 45 now.  It is strange to think about that number while I still have vivid mermories of my childhood.  I guess I am fortunate I haven't suffered a midlife crisis.

Now that I've hit the half way mark ( at least ) I'm starting to wonder what's next for me personally.  I still have two kids to raise and bill to pay.  Nothing has changed in that realm of life.  But time is running a little short for me if I really want to start something new.

Don't misunderstand me, I have a pretty good life that I'm grateful for.  Great wife, great kids (most of the time ), good job.  We're not struggling to pay the bills.  But what's next?  I don't know that I've hit the pinnacle in my professional life, but I can say with certainty that there is not a lot left for me to be exposed to in my job.  I had the good fortune to have worked on a multitude of different projects, and in doing so learned enough skills to feel comfortable being able to figure out pretty much anything.

I guess the question I've been asking myself is "Is my job really what I want to be doing?".  Given the option of not worrying about money, I wouldn't be doing my job.  Or I would be doing a very small sector of my job that I still find fun and challenging.  So I guess that answers that question, doesn't it.

The hard question I can't answer right now, is what would I do if I could just wake up tomorrow and pick something new.  I don't have an answer for that .  I've been doing the same thing for so long that it's hard for my head to get out of its own way, and look for that spark.  First world problems, I know.

I have been trying a few new things.  I am rebuilding a 45 foot travel trailer from the 1950s.  That's been a challenge of epic proportions.  I have learned a lot of new skills, and developed a substantial amount of patience throughout this endeavor.  And if I'm being honest, I have really enjoyed it.  But is this something I want to continue to pursue as a hobby?  Or as a secondary income source?  I don't know.  And that answer is maddening.

At 45 I'm still searching for new things that excite me.  The fact that I can still do that is a blessing.